Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
