Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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