There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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