On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
