Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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