Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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