your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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