Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
