I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
