I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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