I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
