Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
