note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
