I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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