You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
