First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
