Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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