Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
