Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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