Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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