Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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