Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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