You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
