I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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