it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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