does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
