I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
