I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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