ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I look better un-naked...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
