Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
