why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
