im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
