Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
