dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
