he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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