WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
