i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
