I just pynch a tree in the face
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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