Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
