I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
