I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
