too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
