you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
