why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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