college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
