You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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