i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
