it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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