I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
