Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
